She wishes you the best.

How can you trust her more than you trust me?  Your own child?  I’ve been through it all already, but you didn’t bother to ask me or talk it over with me.  You just do things however you want it.  Well, don’t ever ask me anything EVER again.  This is the last straw and I mean it.  You never listen to me anyways.  You just think you know everything and are right all the time.

And you, I hate you.  I really really hate you.  I’m always crying alone.  I never have anyone with me. I needed you.  I need you.  I need you to be here and listen to me cry and tell me it’s going to be alright.  I’m going to be okay and make it through.  I need you to tell me you believe in me.  That the me you know is strong and smart and how you know my parents are unfair and people are cruel but you know I can do it.  I really need you.  But you don’t even believe that for yourself.  When I felt alone, I was okay before…because I knew no matter what, even if you had hurt my feelings, that at some point, I had done something right because we had been friends and you had trusted me and you had broken rules for me.  And I was important to you.  At some point there, I went right.  I could always turn to you and when we talked, no matter how down I was, I was okay.  But now, I’m alone.  I cry alone.  I keep everything inside.  I have nobody.  I can’t even try to find someone to replace you.  I feel guilty because I know you are irreplaceable and no one can fit in those holes that you left.  When I’m having the worst times, I don’t know who to turn to.  But you had to go and do that.  You had to go and leave.  I can’t bare this all the time.  I don’t even know how much longer I can keep myself together.  You can press and press all your sadness into the closet but when it’s full, that closet isn’t going to close anymore and everything’s going to come pouring out.

What am I going to do then?  When I snap, who’s going to be there for me to pick up that mess?  I don’t think people really realize how strong I’ve always had to be.  I’ve never had a choice.  Being weak isn’t a possibility in my shoes.  I mean, I understand, there are a lot of people who have it a lot worse, but it’s never been easy for me.  

I really wish I wasn’t so lonely.  I have friends but…it’s not a matter of trust or anything like that.  And I’m really grateful for my friends too…I can’t really explain it but I’d rather be happy than have to explain myself.

I don’t really hate you.  Actually, I opposite of hate you.  But I hate that I was never enough.  I was never good enough.